We are, at present, camping - but not, like, "camping," like "yay, hamburgers!"...like camping. In the middle of absolutely nowhere. With no running water or bathrooms or humans that aren't us anywhere in close range, and with a park ranger who informed us upon our arrival that we were not to leave until the designated departure time. And when I said "What if there's an emergency?" he said, "I guess you call 911."

Important detail: I have no cell phone service here.

(Or I sort of do - I managed to find a single spot in our site that had enough service to allow me to set up an extremely weak personal hotspot, which I used first to email my parents and tell them where, exactly, we are, because it occurred to me that I gave this information to literally nobody prior to our departure, and if Ranger John shows up tonight and sets animal traps to catch us and then puts us in his woodland dungeon, it'd be nice if somebody at least had a hint where to start looking. And then I used the remaining molecule of Internet access to write this post, because I have skipped a day of posting only once in my eight years of writing this website, and I don't want anyone to notice that I didn't post on Friday and prematurely suspect that we are currently starring in a real-life The Hills Are Alive. I mean, we might be. But let's at least wait and see, shall we?)

If you have never been to a swap party, here's a solid life tip for you: Go to one. Or host one. Because what will happen is you will clear out all that stuff in your closet that you don't actually wear, and possibly replace it with stuff that you will.

But throwing a swap party isn't actually as simple as "invite people over and let them trade stuff" - it works much better if a little organization is involved. When faced with the prospect of owning cashmere sweatshirts and designer bags that they do not have to pay for, people tend to do better with a few rules.

These are mine.

Here is the best thing that happened to me this week, and maybe ever: Francesca's boyfriend Brenden - who is now my all-time favorite human - gave me a massive t-shirt by (and signed by) Sean Glass, which says this:

BECAUSE MY LIFE IS DOPE AND I DO DOPE SHIT.

If this makes zero sense to you, please do yourself a favor and watch this Jimmy Fallon clip about the first time Dave Chapelle met Kanye West, and why - despite having no idea who he was - Dave immediately knew that Kanye was going to be a huge star. Watch it right now. It's too good.

"Goals," by Gray Malin

My son graduated from pre-K yesterday, and lets please not discuss that because another thing that happened yesterday was that he got embarrassed when I kissed him in front of his friends, and now I need to cry. Instead, let's focus on the bright side: Summer vacation!

Now, if you're a stay-at-home or work-at-home parent, you know that what "summer vacation" means is precisely the opposite of what it means to your children, because what it means is they're right there next to you. Like, all the time. Needing things. If you're a work-at-an-office parent, you know that it means either extra daycare/nanny hours or camp, which means hoooooooly crap so much money.