Today Virgil and I paid a visit to the vet to check up on his itchy ears. The verdict was…not great (three weeks of drops, which he hates). We have a sad little puppy on our hands.

What’s that, you say? You’ve always wanted to know the proper procedure for putting drops in a dog’s ears? Happy to oblige.

1. Have a partner hold the dog firmly (unless he’s particularly calm; Virgil isn’t).

2. Pull the ear up to straighten out the ear canal (dogs’ ear canals are at right angles).

While in St. Barth’s, I sampled “Magic Fruit” (a.k.a. “Miracle Fruit”), which apparently everyone has heard of except me. If you haven’t tried one of these crazy things, you must: basically, what it does is “rewire” your tastebuds, making lemons, for example, taste like candy. This is the effect of a protein called miraculin binding with your tastebuds and acting as a “sweetness inducer” when they come into contact with acids. You swish the berry around in your mouth for about a minute, pulling off the skin with your teeth, and the effect should last for an hour or so (mine lasted only half an hour).

While “under the influence,” I tried lemons, which tasted exactly like my grandmother’s lemondrop candies, grapefruit, which tasted like I had poured a cup of sugar over it, and tabasco, which tasted…bad. As Tabasco does. Some other foods that are apparently fun to sample after trying a berry: mustard, vinegar, pickles, dark beer, and cheap tequila (which tastes top-shelf-quality post-Magic Fruit).

They’re great for diabetics, for dieters, and for those of you who want to throw “food flavor parties.”

Want to buy some? Go here.