(Disclaimer: I am obviously not a doctor, so please: take any medical advice I dole out with the requisite grain of salt. If you have a fever of 101F or higher, experience shortness of breath or stabbing abdominal or chest pains, expel colored mucus, or have any symptoms that last more than 7-10 days, see your doctor.)
MY EX-BOYFRIEND’S GO-TO FEVER REMEDY
1. Draw a bath, as hot as you can stand.
2. Climb in the bath with a hot toddy*, and drink the entire thing, no matter how miserably sweaty and overheated you get. Stay in the bath as long as you can stand, or until it begins to cool.