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How You Make Your Ugly, Boring Wood Look Like Gorgeous Reclaimed Barnwood – For Just A Few Bucks

how to create a faux distressed wood effect with paint

The poles in front of our house have always vexed me. They're ugly - just blah wood that's been painted white - but they're also necessary, being as they sort of...hold the house up. We're getting towards the end of our full exterior makeover - which I'll be posting later this week, as soon as I finish up the last few details - and over the course of the process I've toyed around with a few different ideas for what to do with them. I didn't want to paint them an accent color, because they're not particularly attractive and don't really need to be "accented," and sure, I could just paint them the same color as the body of the house...but eh. They felt like an opportunity to do something cool.

I considered "wrapping" the posts (basically covering them with pieces of nicer-looking wood), and even dragged a bunch of barn wood boards home from Home Depot, but ended up realizing that even if I could make this look good, the wrapping would create a weird gap at the top of each post. And then I also realized that the boards were too narrow, and dragged them all the way back to Home Depot, and got frustrated and decided to try something else.

That's how I found myself standing in front of my bathroom door - the sliding barn wood door in our bathroom.  You know, this one:

Lifestyle

Just A Few Tattoos

The stories behind all my tattoos are here, if you're interested.

I'm not particularly feeling a new tattoo at the moment - I went through a rash of tattoo-and-piercing-getting a few months back, and think I probably need to slow it down for a minute - but I'm always thinking about what I might want my next one to be. And since my birthday gift to my dad was a session with an amazing NYC tattoo artist (which ahem ahem ahem I kind of thought was the coolest gift ever), I spent a lot of time scrolling around on the internet helping him search for ideas. In the process, I found oh, so many ones that weren't quiiiiite what Dad had in mind - he ended up going for a fine-line drawing of his 1963 Fender bass guitar - but that I saved to my Pinterest anyway. You know, for later.

...And now I kind of want a new tattoo.

Entertaining

I Made Peepshi, And So Should You

The good news: Oh my GOD is Peepshi - a.k.a. sushi that has been constructed from Peeps and an assortment of other cavity-creating substances - ever cute.

The bad news: Cavity-creating substances are frequently insanely delicious, which means that you will make Peepshi "for the kids"...and in the process eat millions of little Peep remnants (you know, the ones that you cut off in pursuit of a perfectly-shaped piece of nigiri) yourself.

Okay. Now that we've established that you're making Peepshi, because of course you are, let me tell you how to do it. This geniusness was originally created by Serious Eats, but now that I've made one batch and am thus clearly an expert, I'm going to tell you the little discoveries that I made over the course of the Peepshi-making process that I thought were extra wonderful.

Lifestyle

Beach Bums

Davenport, CA

I remember very, very distinctly the first time our son touched grass, because it did not go well. He was already six months old - because he was born in October, and we live in New York City, and grass-touching isn't an especially popular pastime during the winter months - so once spring hit we immediately packed up a picnic blanket and popped a tiny fedora on his head and set out with our friends to spend the afternoon watching our son revel in all that glorious grass.

Turned out he hated grass. And sand. And water. And any other naturally-occurring underfoot texture (although he would happily toddle barefoot down the sidewalk, crushing shards of glass and discarded cigarettes under his tiny toes). As a native New Yorker myself, I get this. Grass is creepy, yo. There are so many things that could be in it: needles, broken beer bottles, bugs. Yesterday I saw a two-inch-long slug sitting on my front step, and then a few minutes later it wasn't there.

Lifestyle

Here Is A Present For Parents Of Toddlers With Sleeping Issues (a.k.a. All Of Them)

This happy face slept alllllll by herself last night. 

The amount of time that Kendrick and I have to ourselves in the evening has become an emergency situation. Because it doesn't actually exist anymore, and it needs to, both because theoretically two humans who are married and enjoy doing things together other than watching Moana for the 10,000th time should probably get to do those things occasionally, and also because the season finale of The Walking Dead happened on Sunday and I still have not seen it, and that is an emergency if I've ever heard of one.

Decor

Home Tour: Elise Alden’s Family-Friendly Mountain Retreat

Elise Alden's airy, cozy home in the mountains.

You know my friend Elise? The one who's an amazing party-planner and an amazing bananacake-maker, and owns the cutest kids' boutique in addition to managing glam | camp and designing and curating the most adorable little-kid clothing and accessories on the planet? (No but really: this necklace just got added to the site and I am DYING. Dyinnnnnng.)

Unsurprisingly, Elise's house is as warm and bright and sweet as she is. My favorite thing about it - besides its location in the Los Gatos mountains, which is basically paradise - she transformed it from a dark, dated space into a breezy home that's both comfortable and fun for kids, and beautifully chic for entertaining. And she did this not by spending zillions of dollars on decor, but rather by pulling together mismatched pieces from antique shops, thrift stores, and DIYing wherever she could - sidenote, the woman painted her two-story house exterior herself, which makes her an actual superhero - and ended up with a house that's completely her, from the hand-painted wall design in her girls' book nook to the ramshackle glam (sorry, had to) living room.

Lifestyle

Love Without Limits: A (Completely Unfiltered) Account Of One Woman’s Sex-Positive Open Relationship

Just FYI: Finding PG-13 (or R)-rated images to accompany a post on polyamory presents quite the challenge.

I have this friend. We'll call her Charlotte. Charlotte is one of my closest friends, actually - someone whom I've known for years and years, and who I trust enormously, like family. We met when she was single, and over the years I watched her date around, then find a long-term partner, then move in with him. One night, sitting at their kitchen table over sushi and wine, Charlotte and her partner told me - in the same tone of voice you'd use to tell someone about a cool new restaurant - about a party they'd gone to the other night where they'd both had sex with other people.

Oh, really?

Eat

The Very Best Stuff You Can Get At Trader Joe’s (According To Me)

Like so many things in life, the joys of Trader Joe's are sweeter for having known the sad, grey world that existed in their absence. Until I was twenty-seven years old, you see, I lived in tragic ignorance of the fact that pre-marinated meat could be so delicious (and so thinly sliced!), or that crumpets could be so wonderful-tasting that they could make the casual usage of the word "crumpet" (almost) acceptable, or that drinkable four-dollar wine existed. Even in those heady days during which I first roamed the aisles alongside fellow Himalayan sea salt lovers too broke for Whole Foods, Trader Joe's was a once-a-month special occasion, because each trip resulted in the purchase of oh, so much four-dollar wine that I was required to splurge on a $25 taxi ride home.

Now I am a suburbanite. I own a car that I call a "truck" but that most people would probably consider an SUV. There is a Trader Joe's located 15 minutes from my house.

And now? Oh, now I know all about it. I can close my eyes and see the shelves laden with quinoa chips and dried broccoli florets in stunning - even technicolor - detail.

Decor

Before And After: Our Kitchen Makeover Reveal

I've been dying to do something with our kitchen since the day we moved in. There's nothing especially hideous about it; it's just...dark. And when I take photos in it it's just super off-brand, you know? (Kidding. But only sort of, because I'm a blogger and photograph stuff in my kitchen all the time and how dark it is makes me nuts.)

Let's take a look at the before. (Note: when I moved in there was a black-brown-grey-white tiled backsplash, which I took out and drywalled over, and I replaced the off-white tiled floors with grey composite wood beams. So this is more like the "before...after I had one pass at it.")

Decor

Ramshackle Glam’s Top 10 Ikea Finds: Spring 2017

First things first: my children have now joined the ranks of People Who Have Been Traumatized by the Swamp Scene in The Neverending Story. 

The horse dies. Of sadness. (Artax noooooooo!)

On the positive side, they were traumatized while sitting in what might be the coolest kids' chairs ever created. Technically these things are called LÖMSKes, but we call them Space Eggs. We didn't intend to come home from our Sunday Ikea trip with Space Eggs, but come on: you would have bought them, too.